I’LL BE HOME IN TEN DAYS, Y’ALL!
Don’t worry, I’m not as excited as I sound. Kidding, I totally am. Just kidding I’m not. Just kidding, I’m kidding. Kristen Wiig SNL, anyone? If not, go NOW.
What about Arrested Development? Anyone watch that? If you don’t, go watch it (yes, all four seasons) and then come back. See you in a few days.
Anyway, there’s an episode in season 1 where the beautiful Lindsay, who is used to being ogled at, goes to visit her dad in jail. She takes this as an opportunity to get some much-desired attention and dolls herself up. Much to her dismay, not one of the inmates looks up from his poker hand to do any form of ogling. So when she comes back, she’s wearing a tank top with the word “SLUT” written on the chest and a short skirt with fishnet tights and her beautiful luscious locks flowing down her back. You guessed it: still nothing.
Apart from allowing me to verbally ogle over Portia de Rossi’s beauty and use some form of the word “ogle” three separate times, I recount this to you because I have a feeling that this is going to be our experience coming back home. Except instead of prison inmates, it’s going to be the American public (some have argued this similarity) and instead of fishnet tights, it’s going to be salmon-colored jeans and yoga pants (yes, I go to DU). We have become so accustomed to drawing all attention when walking down the street simply for having different bone structure and lighter hair that it’s going to be quite an adjustment coming back to a society where Lady Gaga is a thing. (Yes, I know she’s a woman.)
Basically I’m going to need all of you to tell me I’m pretty all the time. Shouldn’t be too hard.
Anyway, after two exclusive pop culture references and some blatant narcissism, is anyone still with me? No?
Maybe this is a sign from the blogging gods that I should stop. Lucky for you all, I’M A BLOGGING ATHEIST!!!
Jokes about religion, always crowd favorites.
Anyway, needless to say I’ve been taking advantage of this city as much as possible during my last weeks here, but still getting very anxious to return to the US. This basically entails eating a lot and thinking about how great America is. Maybe I should have studied abroad in Texas???
Speaking of Texas, I was talking to my friend Shea the other day and she said of our abroad experience, “We might as well have been in a coma for four months.” Obviously this is taken out of context from a conversation where we also discussed how grateful we are for this opportunity, how much we have learned, and a whole other slew of things we’re societally obligated to say, so calm it down right now.
But drawing on that metaphor:
1) Comas are real expensive.
2) Many times, when you come back, everything is pretty much exactly the same as you left it.
3) Because of this, you are left wondering what the hell everyone did while you were gone. Get to work, people.
4) Sometimes, when real life gets too hard, you might wish you were back in a coma.
5) While you were in a coma, you were helpless and had to sit back as real life went on without you.
6) You are forever grateful for your life and all of the little things to which you were once accustomed.
7) You have a somewhat altered life philosophy and see the world through clearer eyes.
Therefore, study abroad=coma. Plus some Spanish fluency. Unless a coma’d person has come out with knowledge of a foreign language before, in which case, I’m very impressed.
For those of you who think I’m being insensitive to coma’d people, I have one song line for you, only slightly modified: “Who gives a fuck about a metaphorical coma?” That’s the only curse word I’ll include in this post, promise. Vampire Weekend made me do it. Seriously though, no disrespect to people’s medical emergencies. I’m just trying to be entertaining.
On that note of insensitivity, I wanted to touch on one of the facets of Argentine culture that has been the most interesting for me during my stay: Calling it like you see it. I have most thoroughly learned this from my host mom, but I’m confident that she’s not mal-intentioned or saying things outside of her cultural norm. Examples of this include:
-When we were watching the Packers game and the screen panned to some players with long hair and she said, “Oh, look at the women!”
-When I was in my roommate, Sophia’s room and she jokingly said, “Sophia? Is that you? You got fat and dyed your hair!”
-When we were watching a talk show where people were dancing and she said “Oh, look at the fat one!”
-Lovingly calling her daughter “Gorda” (fatty) and her friend “Negra” (blacky?)
Like I said, all of these are just ways of calling it as she sees it or being affectionate, but it is nonetheless hilarious trying to imagine these things happening in the US. “Fat” is a fighting word in the States and I’m 89% sure that anyone who called Clay Matthews a woman would be dead in a matter of seconds.
But I like this part of their culture for the most part and I think we could learn a lot from this in the States. Seeing as I like my jobs and most of my friends, I’m not going to be the first one to try to implement this change, but you guys go ahead.
Kidding, tell me I’m pretty when I get back. Thanks.
It’s a weird sensation thinking about coming back home. My bank account and I are both ready for it, but it’s weird to think that we’ll be leaving an entire part of our lives behind us forever. But like all good things, all difficult, mind-opening, and amazing things must also come to an end. It’s been a good ride. Thanks for being here when I need to make fun of ungrateful Americans as well as when I need to be an ungrateful American. I’ve really enjoyed blogging and I think I’m going to continue doing so. Then one day I can be famous and it will all be because of you. Don’t you feel special?
Now get back to work, fatties.