Nothing Important, Just Satire

Before I came abroad, I asked my good friend (and soon to be sister-in-law!) Emma how she made friends when she studied abroad in Spain. She and I are very similar in our choices of people (none) and activities (Netflix/eating, preferably at the same time) and I had concerns about not being able to find a group of friends who didn’t want to spend their entire abroad experience inebriated. Hoping she could eliminate those, I went to her for advice. She told me that during the last month of her program, she finally found another girl on her program who didn’t like people either and they, at last, had someone else to eat with.

After this discussion, I made it my goal to find my friend(s) to eat and complain with as soon as possible. It’s been eight weeks, folks. Who’s counting? After a few failed attempts at the boliche (club) scene, I have officially decided that that is not my calling in life. Tired of being called a loser for not wanting or being able to spend all my money on alcohol and cab rides, I have finally found a solid array of friends who have decided the same thing. Thank the Argentine Lord. His name is Dios here, for all you cultureless gringos.

All of this is to say that I’m doing a lot better here now! Anyone who has talked to me outside of social media (I’m obligated to make everything look desirable…) knows that it hasn’t been the easiest or greatest eight weeks of my life. I’m happy to say those days (weeks…) are over! Reilly, Alli, Colleen, Abby, Lexi, Kata- this is for you guys! Week 8 definitely isn’t the ideal time to start enjoying yourself, but it’s better than nothing, amirite? Iamrite.

Anyway, those are the only actual updates I have for you. If you’re not interested in hearing some awkward stories about my last couple weeks, you can leave now. Thanks for getting this far.

My host mom’s computer was broken for a couple weeks. All this led to us talking about computer fixing. Go figure. My roommate and I were lending her our computers (both Macs) and she was amazed at how thin my computer was. She actually made me bring my computer out to her dinner party to show her guests how thin and perfect and beautiful and cute it is. Cue oohs and ahs.

Anyway, our mom was freaking out about her computer and talking about how she’s only had it for three years and already has to fix it! And I’m over here like, “Gurl, they come out with a new iPhone every 13 months. You need to update your life accordingly. All the Americans are doing it.” This led to a discussion about how, if my or Sophie’s computer were to break, it would cost 3/4 the price of a new computer just to fix it and it’s easier and oftentimes better to buy a new computer. Our mom was astonished at the idea of this. “But then you fill up the landfill with your old computer!” No, Mom, you’re missing the point. YOU GET A SHINY NEW COMPUTER OUT OF IT. God, Argentinians. So thoughtless.

Watched the Packers-49ers game with our host mom. We had to explain to her all the rules, which was actually pretty fun. Also, they call the Packers “packadores” and the 49ers “los cuarenta y nueves,” which is very funny to hear. But, that’s a number! What is a “packador”?! Argentinians give weird names to things.

The Packers ended up losing (great, now I’m crying), and she said to us “You better not be making me like a crappy team! People are going to ask who my football team is and I’ll tell them the Packers and they’re going to laugh at me!” At least she’s got her priorities straight. Everyone knows winners never quit (being the team you root for, is how that goes). Just ask 49ers “fans”.

Sorry, had to make a football joke. I’m dying out here, people.

Got my nose pierced. This was really strange because I swear to Dios, I was in and out of that studio in five minutes. I walked in, said I needed a nose piercing, he wiped my nose with a baby wipe, and stuck a needle in there. I didn’t have to sign a waiver or anything. I suppose that’s because Argentinians think that if they choose to stick a piece of metal in their nose, they also choose to accept responsibility for anything that happens because of that a choice rather than suing the crap out of the poor guy who did everything he was supposed to. I know, I don’t get it either. Anyway, I love the piercing. The only thing is that it makes picking my nose much more inconvenient and painful, but hey, we all have our vices.

I gave a presentation in my Spanish class about Affirmative Action in the United States. My Argentine professor knew all about Affirmative Action. Several of the American students did not. Sure, they were all white kids, but still. REALLY? You don’t know what Affirmative Action is? You’re a white male, you’re supposed to be pissed about this and all those minorities carpe-ing your diem! It was quite a sight. Luckily for them, I taught them and now they’re all pissed. Stupid government and its stupid help to stupid repressed people.

What else is there? I waste all my good stories on my Facebook statuses and my journal. At the risk of boring you, I’ll leave it there. Thanks for reading, y’all are the best. I kind of like this, I’m thinking I might keep a blog even after I return, because I can complain about the ridiculous things that happen to me in the United States, too.

So long, farewell!

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